Pre-Service Training life is rough. I’m constantly tired. I feel
like I’m in a fishbowl. I spend all day every day with the same 6 trainees.
Every local knows where I am, where I’m going, who I’m with. I’m walking on eggshells with my host family.
I don’t want to offend them, yet I can’t hide who I am. For example, it took me
two weeks just to muster up the courage to eat with my left hand. I stopped
eating rice. I often find that I’m too assertive. I’m not trying hard enough to
integrate.
Before coming here, I read blogs, asked volunteers questions,
and emailed my recruiter biweekly. I thought I was prepared, but I didn’t
realize how challenging this 2-year journey is. It’s sometimes difficult to
remember why I joined the Peace Corps in the first place. Every volunteer joins
for his/her own reasons. What are mine?
I remember very well my last few minutes with my
brother-in-law, Rahul. He dropped me off at the Path Station in New Jersey,
gave me a hug, and said, “Go change the world.” I’ve been thinking about this
moment for the entirety of my Peace Corps training.
Change the world.
How do I do that? Where do I start? Who do I change? When will I see results? I
mean…I’m 22 years old. I graduated college in May 2013. In my year off, I sat
around my house and read I am Malala. I
went to Europe for a hot second. I shoveled a lot of snow. I haven’t even made
a student loan payment, yet Rahul suddenly expects me to change the world!? This
is a lot of responsibility to put on someone who still watches Spongebob Squarepants.
The longer I stay in Indonesia, the more I realize that I
didn’t join the Peace Corps to change the world. I recognize that I am only 22.
I’m so young. I have a lot to learn from others. I need to mature by figuring
out how I can solve my own issues. I need to grow. I need to listen to the
people around me. I need to stop being in my own head and observe. Most of all,
I need to stop thinking that my way is best. Not everyone needs to take my path
in life in order to be a good person. I want to challenge myself and I want
others to challenge my opinions.
I didn’t join the Peace Corps to change the world. I joined
the Peace Corps to understand it.
Love this post. I lived in Ecuador for a year. I went there wanting to make an impact on the world. I soon realized that it was silly and naive to want to change a country I had never been to and whose language I didn't even speak. That year was an amazing period of hardships and joy and growth.. and it wouldn't have been if I hadn't changed my mentality to letting Ecuador change me and not vice versa. Thank you for sharing your story! I am so excited to follow your exciting adventure through this blog!
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