America: More Than Just New England

I feel strange saying this, but I’ve seen more of the world than the United States of America. I was born in Rhode Island, raised in Connecticut, and attended college in Washington, D.C.  Additionally, my siblings currently live in/around New York City. I’m an East Coast gal who never had the desire to explore the rest of the country. Although the travel bug bit me at a young age, my thoughts were always global, never local. All I ever wanted was another stamp on my passport so I therefore headed to places like Peru, Italy, France, and China in an attempt to add to my collection.

My New England upbringing caused me to have a very skewed image of what the “average American” is. Back home I surrounded myself with people who think like me, talk like me, and even walk like me (at lightning speed with no time for BS).  I filled my life with young, educated, liberal minds (mostly from New England) that agreed with me rather than challenged me. When I looked at a map of America, my eyes went straight to the Northeast ignoring the vast areas to the left of it. It’s not that I disliked the other parts of the country, I just had no idea what kinds of people were living there and so I never bothered to look.

This is what America looked like to me before Peace Corps Indonesia

When I joined the Peace Corps, I knew I was going to interact with people different from myself, mainly Indonesians.  It never occurred to me that I would be meeting volunteers who came from different cultures as well. Yes, we’re all Americans but boy are we different! I’ve learned more about America while living in Indonesia than I did while living in America.

My first eye opening experience happened during training when I was talking to a true Southern girl from Alabama. She stated that she didn’t believe a woman should be president. She believes that women are too emotional and those emotions negatively affect her work ethic. I wanted to shout in disagreement, but she pointed out, “Women have yelled at me for this and all I can say is, ‘You’re proving my point.’” I closed my mouth, thought about it, and nodded. I accepted the fact that we are allowed to disagree. That’s what a democracy is. 

My fellow volunteers have not only fueled my need for heated political discussion, but they have also taught me about local culture in different parts of America. My friend from a small town in Ohio once described the local wedding customs from his hometown. According to him, if the younger sibling from the family gets married first, then the older sibling must dance in a cow crib until the crib breaks. I rolled my eyes and jokingly told him to shut up. I honestly thought he was making the whole thing up, but of course he wasn’t.

Interacting with other Peace Corps Volunteers has made me realize how vast and diverse America is. Now I look at a map and think, “Hm, so that’s what’s going on over there.” I’m only one year into my service and I have been able to get close to a lot of different Americans. I can’t list everyone, but here are a few of my favorites.

A hard working Eagle Scout from Minnesota who just LOVES Paul Bunion

A Wisconsin girl who is the youngest of 4 girls (like myself!)

A special education teacher from Ohio who runs marathons like it ain't no thang

A home schooled Tennessee rock climber who is one of seven children

An animal rights activist oozing with musical talent from Northern California

A Floridian that played for Tulane University’s football team

A human rights advocate from New Mexico who wrote a song about her car

A dancer and hardcore feminist from Chicago
An introverted Atlanta girl who can rap along to any Ludacris song 

A smooth-talking Californian who comes from an army family

A recent Loyala U grad from St. Louis who can turn every situation into a party

A man from San Fran with a dark but hilarious sense of humor

A Jersey man who frequently checks into “the mansion”

An outdoorsy Seattle native with a quirky story about his ankle tattoo

A Cleveland girl who used to teach in South Korea

A farmer’s daughter from the flat lands of Illinois

A yoga enthusiast dedicated to public service, hailing from the Midwest
A Northwestern U. alum raised in a single parent household and who is secretly an honorary American U Eagle. ;)

Two of my favorite PCV's. Lindsey (left) from the Midwest and Zoe (right) from the West Coast. And yours truly in the middle hailing from beautiful and quaint New England.  

When Will You Have Children?

Indonesians frequently ask me these 2 questions:
1) At what age will you get married?
2) When will you have children?

I usually answer with sarcastic remarks such as, "I'll get married when Obama is finally single" or "I'll have children after you people find me an Indonesian husband." But I decided to open up to my host family and tell them the truth.

I explained to my host family that I don't care what age I get married or if I get married at all. It doesn't matter to me if I'm a bride in my 20's or in my 50's (let's get real here, I'll look fabulous in that red and gold wedding sari at any age). So then my family asked, "But how will you have children if you get married so late in life?" I told them I don't want biological children; I want to adopt.

My host mother gave me an odd look and explained that Indonesians rarely adopt children. Families are encouraged to have their own children. If a couple is unable to have children, then they adopt a child from their extended family. For example, if I were unable to have children I would adopt my sister's child and raise the child as my own.

This form of adoption is not specific to Indonesia. I have seen this situation in India as well. In fact, two of my aunts asked my mom if they could adopt me (my mom said no, obviously). These cultures emphasize the idea that family means blood relatives only. It's better to adopt within the family rather than take care of a complete stranger.

I, however, have no issues welcoming a child in need into my home. I believe that adoption proves that I have a generous heart. In fact, a friend once described adoption as "a saintly act." Some families choose adoption as a last resort. They are unable to have children and therefore see adoption as a Plan B (or C or D). That's not the case with me. Adoption is Plan A and when my host mother tries to convince me otherwise I shrug my shoulders and say, "Budaya berbeda" (our cultures are different).

Temporarily Homebound: Tips on having a Successful Vacation in America

Peace Corps Volunteers are allowed 48 vacation days during their 2 years of service. Many PCVs take these golden vaca days to head back to the land of the free and the home of the brave. I chose to take my trip to America right smack dab in the middle of my service. One year down, one year to go. The countdown for my vacation started weeks in advance. At times I thought the anticipation was going to kill me. I couldn't have been happier when I left my village and boarded a New York City bound plane. But, when I got to the good ole US of A, things were a little different than what I expected. A few other volunteers gave me advice on how to handle myself during my 2 weeks at home.  Here's a few tips/tricks to help PCVs have a successful trip home to America.

Don't go overboard with your Peace Corps tales: I get it. You're excited to talk about every little detail about your life. Peace Corps tales tend to be hilarious anecdotes about awkward misunderstandings, long bus rides with farm animals, strange parasites that have entered your body, etc. But you have to remember that you haven't seen your friends and family for a while. They also have tales of their own. They will want to tell you as much about their lives as you do of yours. Hand them the mic, will ya?

Give yourself some alone time: You know exactly what I'm talking about. Most PCVs have hours upon hours worth of free time. Throughout your service you build up a high tolerance for that solidarity without realizing it. It can be daunting to talk to friends and family for hours at a time. My solution is to limit myself to one large social event a day and/or give myself some alone time. I either go for a run or head to a coffee shop by myself. No one can come. No one can talk to me. Just me, myself, and I.

Stay in touch with people from your country of service: It's great to stay present, but that doesn't mean you should ignore the life you have at site. A friend of mine suggested that I keep in contact with other PCVs and people from my site in order to stay connected to my life in Indonesia. She said she felt disconnected from everyone when she returned to site. Speaking from experience, coming home to America feels like I've stepped into some alternate reality. I look around and think, "This could have been my life if I stayed..." Don't let yourself fall into that trap. Stay connected to your PC life so that it makes it easier to come back.

Make post-vacation plans with PCVs or people from your site: You've been looking forward to your American vacation for so long that you have trouble picturing returning to site.  It's easy to get back into the groove of American life and trick yourself into thinking that you don't miss your Peace Corps experience. Jumping back into your sweaty clothes and 100 degree weather won't seem like a fun task when you're enjoying endless amounts of cheese, wine, burgers, air condition, family, and friends. Make plans with people in your host country so that post-vacation life becomes a reality. I'm getting pumped for Ramadan fasting and another fourth of July at Pacitan beach with my site mate, Russel!

Don't stop speaking your host country language: Teach your family and friends a couple of phrases that you typically use while at site. Almost every PCV has a fun go-to word or phrase that they frequently use. Use these at home as a fun way to stay connected to your host country. I have taught my family these three beautiful and oh-so fun words: Sudah (already), belum (not yet) and Alhamdulillah (thanks be to God). It's hilarious to tell my family that I "sudah ate dinner" or to say "Alhamdulillah" to my 7 month old nephew every time he sneezes. Teaching people a bit of the language also allows you to open up a dialogue about your PC life. But remember, don't go overboard. Your family doesn't need to learn the language to the extent that you do.

Those are all the tips I have for now. I'm heading to the District of Columbia tomorrow to meet some more friends and family! But before I leave, I'd like to brag about how I have the cutest niece and nephew in the world. My sister had her son while I was in my village. I just met him and he's THE BEST NEPHEW IN THE WORLD. Here's a photo to prove it:

Sophia and Ari. They're never going to do anything wrong.