When Will You Have Children?

Indonesians frequently ask me these 2 questions:
1) At what age will you get married?
2) When will you have children?

I usually answer with sarcastic remarks such as, "I'll get married when Obama is finally single" or "I'll have children after you people find me an Indonesian husband." But I decided to open up to my host family and tell them the truth.

I explained to my host family that I don't care what age I get married or if I get married at all. It doesn't matter to me if I'm a bride in my 20's or in my 50's (let's get real here, I'll look fabulous in that red and gold wedding sari at any age). So then my family asked, "But how will you have children if you get married so late in life?" I told them I don't want biological children; I want to adopt.

My host mother gave me an odd look and explained that Indonesians rarely adopt children. Families are encouraged to have their own children. If a couple is unable to have children, then they adopt a child from their extended family. For example, if I were unable to have children I would adopt my sister's child and raise the child as my own.

This form of adoption is not specific to Indonesia. I have seen this situation in India as well. In fact, two of my aunts asked my mom if they could adopt me (my mom said no, obviously). These cultures emphasize the idea that family means blood relatives only. It's better to adopt within the family rather than take care of a complete stranger.

I, however, have no issues welcoming a child in need into my home. I believe that adoption proves that I have a generous heart. In fact, a friend once described adoption as "a saintly act." Some families choose adoption as a last resort. They are unable to have children and therefore see adoption as a Plan B (or C or D). That's not the case with me. Adoption is Plan A and when my host mother tries to convince me otherwise I shrug my shoulders and say, "Budaya berbeda" (our cultures are different).