Peace Corps Makes You Feel Alive

A fellow PCV, Russel, came to visit me the other day. We were talking about the emotions that we were experiencing at that particular moment. I told him that I was glad to start school again, I was a little bored, and I'm a little lonely. I want to date again, but it's slim pickings here in Indonesia where hardly anyone speaks English and where my Bahasa Indonesia need serious improvement. I also explained to him how the New Year turned me into a New Person. I just feel more confident with myself and my life here. I feel like I finally have a full grip on finding happiness in Peace Corps. He told me that he was excited to start school,  ready to move houses, and he's making a lot of new friends. So many emotions packed into one conversation!

And then Russel said something that just shook me (in a good way). He said, "My Peace Corps recruiter said that you never feel more alive than you do in the Peace Corps."

What? What the heck does that mean? My life in the States was not worth living? No, of course that's not what Russel's recruiter meant. She meant that the emotional ups and downs of Peace Corps are incredibly strong. The highs are really high. It feels like you're in love and skipping through rice fields and holding hands with children while seriously tripping on some sort of illegal drug. And then the lows are really low, like your heart has been broken into a million pieces, everyone is annoying you, you're on your period, and on top of that a pigeon crapped on your head. That's honestly what the Peace Corps ups and downs feel like, and they're great!

I thought back to my first few months in Peace Corps. I cried when my friend Lindsey and I separated. I laughed so hard when my host brother tripped and fell while running towards me. I felt warmth throughout my body when my ibu told me I looked beautiful in my new dress. I feel a calm sensation every week when I join my counterpart for prayer at the mosque.

I even made a fellow Peace Corps Volunteer cry yesterday (in a good way, I promise). I told her how much she has grown, how well she is doing, and how strong she is. I gave her concrete examples of her progress here in the Peace Corps and I literally made her cry. It was such a beautiful moment to share! I even made my oldest sister cry a few months ago by telling her what a great older sister she is. I'm packed with emotions and I'm spreading it everywhere. So watch out, world.

I can't explain the emotional trip I've been on the last 10 months, but I can assure you that it's an incredible feeling. Even the lows let me know that I'm alive and well. The lows leave me feeling hopeful because I know an extremely happy moment is yet to come.