Smoking and XX Chromosomes

When I joined the Peace Corps I knew I would be facing gender inequality issues, but I had no idea to what extent. The problems I face everyday range from minute to day-ruining/life questioning. My village closely observes my behavior to the point where I feel as if I’m in a fishbowl. When I go for evening walks at 4pm, my neighbors tell me, “Miss, it’s dark outside. It’s too late to be out alone.” The sun is still shining, but people are afraid for my safety. I sometimes go to school at night to use the wifi. My host parents tell me I can’t stay there after 8pm despite the fact that teenage boys stay there until 10pm playing video games in the empty classrooms.

These instances didn’t surprise me, but there are situations that make me freeze in confusion. I typically wear a long sleeve shirt and a long skirt to school. One day, I hiked up my skirt a little bit to climb a flight of stairs. My ankles were exposed. Before I could even realize I had committed an unspeakable crime, my counterpart came running after me telling me to release my hand so that the bottom of my skirt could return to the floor. I’ve also been told numerous times to unroll my sleeves because my elbows were showing. Typically the adults are the ones to point out these differences in my behavior, but recently students have begun to correct me as well. Last month a male student told me I was tying my shoe in an impolite way. “It’s not polite for women to sit like that,” he informed me. Here’s how I was sitting.

These are just micro-stresses, though. There are instances where this culture frustrates me to the point where I have to escape into my room for relief and reflection. One of my female students once told me I would look prettier if I wore a hijab. I didn’t know how to respond. Do I tell her that I’m not Muslim and therefore I’ll never wear a hijab? Do I tell her I’m pretty just as I am? Do I fire back and tell her that I think she looks prettier without the hijab? My greatest struggle in my service has been to be a good role model for these young women. I battle between being culturally appropriate and being myself.

In Indonesia, teachers are seen as role models for students. I know that I go against the Indonesian norms, so I’ve questioned whether I should push this culture. Last week I smoked a cigarette in the small city of Trenggalek (a bad habit, I know). I didn’t think anything of it because I was two hours outside of my village. I’m an adult and I’m not doing anything illegal. However, rumor got around and a young girl in my village asked me, “Miss, someone saw you smoking. Do you smoke?”

My instinct told me to deny it, so I did. I’m sitting here a few hours after the incident questioning whether this was the right thing to do. Here, women are socially discouraged from smoking while most men smoke several cigarettes a day. I don’t understand this. Smoking is bad for everyone, but why is it worse if a woman smokes? I want to rewind time and tell the young girl, “If a man can do something, a woman can do it too” I will never condone smoking or encourage her to do it, but I want to push her into questioning why a woman can’t participate in the same activities a man can.

I’m going to leave the smoking argument alone because cigarettes are terrible for everyone’s lungs. However, this year I want to start incorporating gender equality issues into my classes. I want my students to question, “Why is it a woman’s duty to cook for her husband?” “Why can’t women be alone at night?” “Why can’t women play the same sports as men?” I honestly wish I had started doing this from the beginning, but I spent my first year simply observing the culture and trying to integrate (which means adopting cultural norms despite my beliefs).

My passion for gender equality has intensified since moving to Indonesia. I want to be a good role model for these girls according to my definition. I don’t want to change this culture, but I do want to empower the girls who are feeling confined by it.

I would like to add a disclaimer by stating that this post is a reflection of my Peace Corps service living in a small village in East Java, indonesia. I do not mean to generalize the Indonesian people or their values. I am speaking from personal experience.